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Sep
06
2012

Just getting Real with Ya’ll, Sometimes a Girl’s Gotta Vent.

Today’s post titled: Just getting Real with Ya’ll, Sometimes a Girl’s Gotta Vent. Yep, that ugly picture is of me 1 minute after I just got a call from my mother in law tonight saying my husband ( aka @ConsumerKing) was curled up in a ball in pain at her house. I have been struggling for a really long time about whether I should post personal stuff on my blog. I know I shared about our flood but this kind of thing is just different for me. I don’t have the time to start another family blog and I think it’s time I start letting you guys in. I have so many emotions and feelings right now that I am even having a hard time writing this post.

For those of you who don’t know, my husband has a degenerative disease called Ankylosing Spondylitis. When I go to conferences, I hear people say Melissa, I don’t know how you do it. You work a full time job, have 3 blogs and your a caregiver. I usually just smile and say well you just gotta do what you gotta do. I am the type of person who feel’s like they can’t let anyone down and I am afraid to show that I need any help. Im afraid if I cry in front of someone or my family in my own mind I feel like i’m some how a failure. I walk away smiling but sometimes, (mostly recently) I am sitting behind that computer screen just bawling.

The last 3 months have been the worst. Daniel has gotten worse and his meds aren’t helping like they used to. One of the meds that he takes for shooting pains in his legs have really bad side affects on him. Some days we stay home and don’t go out because I feel embarrassed because he’s slurring his words and can’t even hold his eyes open. People see someone so young like him and automatically think druggie or alcoholic. How horrible is that, that I feel like that. I feel like i’m in a battle with myself with my own emotions between feeling what’s normal and feeling bad that I feel that way. Am I making any sense? Some days I can’t even look at my Facebook or answer the phone. My friends and family are so sweet but even just reading there kind words sets off water works. Like today I refused to read my updates while at the hospital because I didn’t want to cry in front of my father in law. So I just waited till I could go home and read them in quiet.

Daniel refuses to let me quit traveling. He says we can’t let this disease beat us. He also says its my stress reliever , when I’m away I don’t feel like I have to run around the house 90 miles an hour till I completely pass out. I still feel guilty but once I leave he is right, seeing my friends if only for a moment I forget what’s going on and it gives me a refresher so that I am ready to go home and hit it hard again.

One of the hardest thing for me is keeping friends. At least ones that are local. With this disease and our busy schedule we don’t get to do things with people that often and when we do people get tired of last minute cancellations so sometimes I think they just quit asking. It’s totally understandable but it’s not something we can help because we never know when a bad day will come. I feel like I have more online friends because I know I can never really let them down.

I have even seen myself regress online a little bit as well. I can’t handle anymore negativity or drama in my life so I have even stopped logging into Skype groups and participating in Facebook groups less and less. Even when I talk to family, I find myself just wanting to hang up the phone when they start griping and complaining. I feel like I’m gaining patience for this disease but losing patience for the world and I hate that.

I’m going to stop for now as I could go on and on. Most of this I have finished writing while sitting here in the ER to keep my mind off of Daniel screaming in pain in bed across from me. (Update, they have admitted Daniel to the Hospital to keep an eye on his liver. They say Renal failure but don’t want to scare us because it could be due to just dehydration. I’ll keep you informed)

Two shining moments tonight though: A lady came to me in the ER and said I am praying for you. I have no idea who she was but I thought how sweet of her to take time out to say that when she’s in here with her own family. Also Daniel did have a moment to crack a funny, he said ” Honey if menstrual cramps are this bad I am so sorry” lol! What’s even funnier is I think he jinxed me because guess who came to visit today? YEP!

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About the Author

has written 3805 posts on ConsumerQueen.com.

Melissa Garcia AKA The Consumer Queen has been featured in All You Magazine,Wall Street Journal,Ladies Home Journal, The Today Show, Oprah radio Network & More. Melissa is also now blogging full time from home as a career.

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  • Jill Davenport Campbell via Facebook September 8, 2012, 5:57 PM

    Thanks for your transparency. I’ll be praying for your husband and family..

    Reply
  • Courtney Velasquez September 8, 2012, 6:04 PM

    Melissa, I am here for you if you ever need ANYTHING!!! I know how hard it is to open up online as I did it recently when I had a cancer scare of my own, but opening up to my online support system was one of the best things I could have ever done. People I didn’t realize cared about me came out of the woodwork and that support got me through and helped me realize that I wasn’t alone. You are such a strong woman and I think I’m not the only one saying, “You are not alone!” Praying for you and Daniel!

    Reply
  • Kim Dickey via Facebook September 8, 2012, 6:21 PM

    prayers for you and your family

    Reply
  • chandria smith September 8, 2012, 6:28 PM

    Melissa our prayers are always with you. I hope you know you can call me anytime if you need to vent! (((hugs))) Chan

    Reply
  • Cindy Larason via Facebook September 8, 2012, 10:26 PM

    Sorry to hear about your husband. I hope he feels better soon. Thank you for the website it’s my favorite. Just remember one day at a time.

    Reply
  • Penney Rodriguez via Facebook September 8, 2012, 11:21 PM

    Wow, your post really affected me deeply tonight. Though we’ve not met, my husband and I live on the other side of the creek & remember well “the flood”. My heart goes out to you and praying that God gives you strength and that your husband will be feeling better very soon:) you do so much to help others….just know that there are many thoughts & prayers going up for you!

    Reply
  • Penney Rodriguez via Facebook September 8, 2012, 11:31 PM

    If you get a chance, look up Nopalea on the Internet. It’s for inflammation & for whatever reason it won’t leave my mind after I read your post. It does work on my asthma & what makes me feel even better is that it is all natural. If it seems like something that might be worth giving a shot for Daniel’s inflammation, let me know & I would be happy to cover the cost for you to try it. I know what it feels like to be ill & searching for anything that will help.

    Reply
  • Nicole September 9, 2012, 12:33 AM

    You are truly amazing and wonderful! Don’t give up…you can do it!!! Prayers and hugs coming your way!

    Reply
  • glenda September 9, 2012, 12:08 PM

    Hi Melissa,
    I am very sorry to hear about your husbands medical issues. I know it must be hard for you, as such an upbeat person, to admit you also have times of sadness. I recently lost my sister to suicide, and I have so many emotions to deal with. I understand that sometimes it feels like you want to shut the world out, because no one really can understand how you feel. Its ok to let it out, it is healthy to let it out, I hear you, and I am saying a prayer for you guys. I wondered after I lost my sister, how is the world still spinning? How are the birds still singing? Why are children still laughing? Because my world had been changed, but others still live in their own happy world. I understand and if you ever need to talk my email is goodwitchsouth@yahoo.com. Have a good day, Glenda

    Reply
  • Ann Jones via Facebook September 9, 2012, 2:54 PM

    I am so sorry for you. I will pray for you and your family.

    Reply
  • Shirley Chavez via Facebook September 9, 2012, 9:49 PM

    I am just now getting updated on everything that goes on the cyber world, it’s been a busy weekend around here and all the sudden I see your post. You are just human, nothing that you are doing/feeling is wrong. You have the right to have up and downs moments, you are not letting anybody down when you show your emotions. Keep your head high, somehow you are doing a great job managing everything that you do. Remember, God will never put more on you than you can bear, I totally believe this. I will put you and your family in prayers tonight and also I thank the Lord for giving you the tools to touch so many lives and that is not just about couponing. May God bless you, always.

    Reply
  • Carole York Davis via Facebook September 10, 2012, 10:27 AM

    Tears are cathartic and necessary. Situations such as yours allow folks to love on one another, as we were designed to do. I have several friends who have MS, and one of them proudly sports a tshirt that says “my body attacks itself….what does YOURS do?” :) You must allow your cup to be filled before you can multiply what others have given you and pour it back out to those you touch! I’m a nurse and had to give up bedside nursing for that very reason, everything took its toll and nothing was refilling the empty cup. Will be praying for you and your family!

    Reply

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