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It’s late and feeling helpless

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Not sure why I am posting this late. Maybe cause I don’t have anyone to call this late that I can talk to. It’s almost midnight and I was awaken to Daniel literally screaming from the other room. He has already taken all the meds he can tonight. This has been one of our worst nights ever in a long time. It was so bad that I tried to make him understand that he needed to calm down for the kids sake, because they would have been scared to death to see him like this. How do you tell someone who is in that amount of pain to calm down? How do you put yourself in their shoes?How do you truly understand what they are going through?

How do you get through a night watching someone you love scream in pain knowing there is nothing you can do for them? I can’t really describe what it’s like watching a grown man turn into someone so helpless. Sometimes it’s really hard being the strong one. Working full time, going with many a night with no sleep sometimes starts to take a toll on you. My blog, my readers are sometimes the only thing that keeps me going. Sometimes I don’t understand why God has given us this journey but I truly believe everything happens for a reason.I received some very good news today at work so naturally it was the perfect time for the Devil to take his toll. I’m not asking you to feel sorry for us tonight, I am only asking you to do one thing! Turn to the one you love and tell them you love them, never take the time you have with them for granted. Be thankful for your health and enjoy the things you have always wanted to do.(enjoy the little things). You never know what’s around the corner.

(for those of you who are new to my blog my husband has AS you can read our “about me“)

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112 Comments

  1. Please know that your family is in my thoughts and prayers. I am often reminded of the phrase “If God leads you to it, He’ll lead you through it”, although I suspect with something so painfully serious, it is hard to focus on the plan God has for you.

    I wish you, Daniel, and the children the strength and courage to get through everything.

  2. Please know that your family is in my thoughts and prayers. I am often reminded of the phrase “If God leads you to it, He’ll lead you through it”, although I suspect with something so painfully serious, it is hard to focus on the plan God has for you.

    I wish you, Daniel, and the children the strength and courage to get through everything.

  3. Live in the moment, you can’t change yesterday or tomorrow. You can only do what you can in this moment.

  4. Live in the moment, you can’t change yesterday or tomorrow. You can only do what you can in this moment.

  5. I’m sorry to hear about Daniel’s pain. I will give all my family extra special cuddles today, we all need to be reminded to treasure one another. Thank you.

  6. I’m sorry to hear about Daniel’s pain. I will give all my family extra special cuddles today, we all need to be reminded to treasure one another. Thank you.

  7. I do wish I knew the right words to say. Here’s a prayer:

    Dear God,
    I thank you so much for Melissa and Daniel and their children. I’ve never met them in person, but they are my family in you and I love them dearly. I ask right now Father in the name of your son Jesus that you provide strength, healing and rest for them. Take care of them, make ways for them and open doors for them and continue to bless them in Jesus name. Amen

  8. I do wish I knew the right words to say. Here’s a prayer:

    Dear God,
    I thank you so much for Melissa and Daniel and their children. I’ve never met them in person, but they are my family in you and I love them dearly. I ask right now Father in the name of your son Jesus that you provide strength, healing and rest for them. Take care of them, make ways for them and open doors for them and continue to bless them in Jesus name. Amen

  9. I am so sorry about your husband’s suffering and your helplessness. I can’t begin to imagine what that would be like. I hope you both get some relief soon.

  10. God bless you both! My prayers are directed towards your family. There is nothing you can do but try to soothe both of your nerves. Maybe you could use some meditation calming music. It is a process… put on soothing calm music and both of you lay down on the bed and relax all your muscles starting at your toes and ending with your scalp. It does help!

  11. God bless you both! My prayers are directed towards your family. There is nothing you can do but try to soothe both of your nerves. Maybe you could use some meditation calming music. It is a process… put on soothing calm music and both of you lay down on the bed and relax all your muscles starting at your toes and ending with your scalp. It does help!

  12. Sending lots of positive thoughts for all of you. While not the same physical sort of issue, I have been in your shoes and really do understand how difficult it is. Surround yourself with support and make sure to take care of yourself too – that is SO important!

  13. Sending lots of positive thoughts for all of you. While not the same physical sort of issue, I have been in your shoes and really do understand how difficult it is. Surround yourself with support and make sure to take care of yourself too – that is SO important!

  14. I can’t pretend I can say I know what you and your family are going through having to deal with such a difficult trial, but I can offer my prayers and support. May the Lord strengthen you and Daniel to the utmost degree and see you through this difficult time.

  15. I can’t pretend I can say I know what you and your family are going through having to deal with such a difficult trial, but I can offer my prayers and support. May the Lord strengthen you and Daniel to the utmost degree and see you through this difficult time.

  16. As you know i completely understand, i sit at the hospital hour after hour and ask why…i don’t have the answers, i came home today and fell apart, i’m at the point where i’m loosing hope and trying to will myself to hang on, i tell myself he’ll be fine and then we have a setback and i worry, oh god do i worry, watching a loved one go thru pain is the worst i’ve been thru..wished i could tell you how to deal with it, i can’t, i’m trying to figure it out myself, just remember..i understand.

  17. As you know i completely understand, i sit at the hospital hour after hour and ask why…i don’t have the answers, i came home today and fell apart, i’m at the point where i’m loosing hope and trying to will myself to hang on, i tell myself he’ll be fine and then we have a setback and i worry, oh god do i worry, watching a loved one go thru pain is the worst i’ve been thru..wished i could tell you how to deal with it, i can’t, i’m trying to figure it out myself, just remember..i understand.

  18. So sorry to hear he is in so much pain. I can only imagine what it is like to sit by and see. Pain is so horrible, you just can’t think or do a thing when it gets back. I have bad endometriosis and I know I have scared and upset my husband quite a few months with the pain and I know he would love to help and there often is just no way for him too. I find it so hard to describe what it is like when you’ve taken all the medication you can and the pain won’t go away and your mind is a complete haze, you don’t know if you should move or not or anything else in the world. I’m lucky at least mine is cyclic and has been a bit better since the baby’s arrival. I wouldn’t wish extreme pain on anyone, ever.

    Thinking of you and I’ll try to remember your comments. It is too easy to get caught in the moments of stress of not enjoying life.

    I hope tonight is a better night for both of you.

  19. So sorry to hear he is in so much pain. I can only imagine what it is like to sit by and see. Pain is so horrible, you just can’t think or do a thing when it gets back. I have bad endometriosis and I know I have scared and upset my husband quite a few months with the pain and I know he would love to help and there often is just no way for him too. I find it so hard to describe what it is like when you’ve taken all the medication you can and the pain won’t go away and your mind is a complete haze, you don’t know if you should move or not or anything else in the world. I’m lucky at least mine is cyclic and has been a bit better since the baby’s arrival. I wouldn’t wish extreme pain on anyone, ever.

    Thinking of you and I’ll try to remember your comments. It is too easy to get caught in the moments of stress of not enjoying life.

    I hope tonight is a better night for both of you.

  20. Just read your post. I’m praying for you.
    It sure is difficult watching those you love in pain. You’re right. Don’t forget how special people are in your life. I’m sure there are those who love you and are ready to listen, but the one who can truly help is God. I can tell you believe that. Just hang on to your faith.

  21. Our God is a big God and can help us endure anything! I know sometimes it seems especially in the rough times as your living in now that there is no light at the end of the tunnel but I have personally seen God work a miracle in my life and I’m believeing in one for Daniel. May God’s peace and love help sustain you and your family through this rough journey. Your all im my prayers.

  22. Our God is a big God and can help us endure anything! I know sometimes it seems especially in the rough times as your living in now that there is no light at the end of the tunnel but I have personally seen God work a miracle in my life and I’m believeing in one for Daniel. May God’s peace and love help sustain you and your family through this rough journey. Your all im my prayers.

  23. Just read your post. I’m praying for you.
    It sure is difficult watching those you love in pain. You’re right. Don’t forget how special people are in your life. I’m sure there are those who love you and are ready to listen, but the one who can truly help is God. I can tell you believe that. Just hang on to your faith.

  24. I can’t imagine what you must be dealing with every day for the rest of your life. I remember what it was like after my husband had a severe back injury at work. He couldn’t stand, sit, lie down, walk, or do really anything without some level of pain. It affected his relationship with the kids, our friends and our marriage as well. The meds MIGHT take the edge off a little but then again, they MIGHT not work for whatever reason. It’s a very helpless and powerless feeling to watch someone you love writhe in pain. Not being able to take it away or help alleviate it-even just the tiniest bit. I am so very thankful my husband is doing better now. Surgery was all that was needed to repair his back but for eight long and terrible months, there were many glim and scary moments we thought this may be a permanent situation.

    We have you in our prayers and know there’s plenty of love and good wishes being sent to you both!

  25. I have never read your about me section, but this post caught my eye and I just read about you and your family. I am sorry your husband is having a rough night and I want you to know I will say a special prayer for him and your whole family.
    It seems like when I am feeling at my lowest point God shows me another persons struggles so that I am reminded of his plan for all of us. Your story was my reminder tonight and although you may feel at your lowest, you have brought me back to my senses and reminded me to stop and breathe.

  26. I can’t imagine what you must be dealing with every day for the rest of your life. I remember what it was like after my husband had a severe back injury at work. He couldn’t stand, sit, lie down, walk, or do really anything without some level of pain. It affected his relationship with the kids, our friends and our marriage as well. The meds MIGHT take the edge off a little but then again, they MIGHT not work for whatever reason. It’s a very helpless and powerless feeling to watch someone you love writhe in pain. Not being able to take it away or help alleviate it-even just the tiniest bit. I am so very thankful my husband is doing better now. Surgery was all that was needed to repair his back but for eight long and terrible months, there were many glim and scary moments we thought this may be a permanent situation.

    We have you in our prayers and know there’s plenty of love and good wishes being sent to you both!

  27. I have never read your about me section, but this post caught my eye and I just read about you and your family. I am sorry your husband is having a rough night and I want you to know I will say a special prayer for him and your whole family.
    It seems like when I am feeling at my lowest point God shows me another persons struggles so that I am reminded of his plan for all of us. Your story was my reminder tonight and although you may feel at your lowest, you have brought me back to my senses and reminded me to stop and breathe.

  28. I am sorry my friend, I truely can’t imagine what you are going through. Hope you all have a restful night, and peace. God will be with you, as always. Just turn to Him and you shall find peace.

  29. I’m sorry you are having such a rough night. I wish there was something I could do. I know where you’re coming from, and understand feeling helpless, as my adult son suffers from schizophrenia. The pain is mental not physical, but truly horrible to watch. I will pray the rest of your night goes better and you are able so get the sleep you deserve.

  30. I’m sorry you are having such a rough night. I wish there was something I could do. I know where you’re coming from, and understand feeling helpless, as my adult son suffers from schizophrenia. The pain is mental not physical, but truly horrible to watch. I will pray the rest of your night goes better and you are able so get the sleep you deserve.

  31. I am so sorry for what you all are going through, you are in my thoughts and prayers. It is so hard to watch someone you love hurting when there is nothing you can do to fix it.

  32. I am so sorry for what you all are going through, you are in my thoughts and prayers. It is so hard to watch someone you love hurting when there is nothing you can do to fix it.

  33. Melissa- You are such an amazing woman, mother and wife! I think you inspire so many other women to want to do more with their own lives. Life has a funny way of throwing some major hardballs at us that no matter how hard we try to dodge them, they always seem to knock us down. But, that’s when we stand up and make ourselves stronger and try to be prepared for the next round. I am terribly sorry about your husband and his pain, I pray that it gets better. I will definately be thinking about you and your family tonight. Even though you are going through hard times tonight, you encourage and help millions of people everyday and are such an inspiration.

  34. Melissa- You are such an amazing woman, mother and wife! I think you inspire so many other women to want to do more with their own lives. Life has a funny way of throwing some major hardballs at us that no matter how hard we try to dodge them, they always seem to knock us down. But, that’s when we stand up and make ourselves stronger and try to be prepared for the next round. I am terribly sorry about your husband and his pain, I pray that it gets better. I will definately be thinking about you and your family tonight. Even though you are going through hard times tonight, you encourage and help millions of people everyday and are such an inspiration.

  35. Just read your post. I am so sorry that you have to go through that kind of pain, watching your husband suffer like that. I can very much sympathize. My mom had cancer a few years back, and I remember there were many nights that she called me over to her house because she was in excruciating pain. It is so hard to see them go through it, knowing you can’t take their pain away. You feel so helpless, and you want to cry but you have to be strong for them, as difficult as it is. My prayers are with you and your family. Hang in there, God is good and he has blessed you richly 🙂

  36. Just read your post. I am so sorry that you have to go through that kind of pain, watching your husband suffer like that. I can very much sympathize. My mom had cancer a few years back, and I remember there were many nights that she called me over to her house because she was in excruciating pain. It is so hard to see them go through it, knowing you can’t take their pain away. You feel so helpless, and you want to cry but you have to be strong for them, as difficult as it is. My prayers are with you and your family. Hang in there, God is good and he has blessed you richly 🙂

  37. Hi Melissa,

    I can totally relate to being the “strong one” and how it takes it toll over time. I know God doesn’t want us to get caught up in pity for our situation when things are not what we want. But I also know that as “strong women” we tend to be in denial about all the stress we are under until one day it hits us hard and we find we are totally depleted emotionally.
    I don’t think your emotions are unreasonable and I hope that you find time for YOU.
    Someone once told me during a difficult time in my life that every thing in our life is either sent by God or allowed by God. Of course, it is the bad things we have problems accepting. So if this terrible disease was allowed by God to come into the life of you and you family, know one things is true, that God IS in control of the duration and the OUTCOME of this storm. I so admire your faith and am glad you have it to sustain you through these rough times. May God bless you and you family and May He wrap His loving arms around each of you and fill you with Love, comfort and peace.

  38. Hi Melissa,

    I can totally relate to being the “strong one” and how it takes it toll over time. I know God doesn’t want us to get caught up in pity for our situation when things are not what we want. But I also know that as “strong women” we tend to be in denial about all the stress we are under until one day it hits us hard and we find we are totally depleted emotionally.
    I don’t think your emotions are unreasonable and I hope that you find time for YOU.
    Someone once told me during a difficult time in my life that every thing in our life is either sent by God or allowed by God. Of course, it is the bad things we have problems accepting. So if this terrible disease was allowed by God to come into the life of you and you family, know one things is true, that God IS in control of the duration and the OUTCOME of this storm. I so admire your faith and am glad you have it to sustain you through these rough times. May God bless you and you family and May He wrap His loving arms around each of you and fill you with Love, comfort and peace.

  39. I am sorry my friend, I truely can’t imagine what you are going through. Hope you all have a restful night, and peace. God will be with you, as always. Just turn to Him and you shall find peace.

  40. Some of us have absolutely no one to love or need or care for us. At least you have lives and loved ones. Good luck

  41. I am so sorry about your husband’s suffering and your helplessness. I can’t begin to imagine what that would be like. I hope you both get some relief soon.

  42. So sorry to hear that you both had a horrible night. Thank you for the reminder to give thanks daily for all the little things. Sending happy thoughts, and healing energy your way.

  43. So sorry to hear that you both had a horrible night. Thank you for the reminder to give thanks daily for all the little things. Sending happy thoughts, and healing energy your way.

  44. I’m so sorry that you and your family have to go through this. You and your entire family are in my thoughts and prayers. Too many people take the little things for granted and I’m glad you pointed this out to me because I am guilty of this a lot of times. I just heard something on the radio yesterday too about people doing this. Thank you for posting this and I hope things get better for you and your family, especially your husband.

  45. I’m so sorry that you and your family have to go through this. You and your entire family are in my thoughts and prayers. Too many people take the little things for granted and I’m glad you pointed this out to me because I am guilty of this a lot of times. I just heard something on the radio yesterday too about people doing this. Thank you for posting this and I hope things get better for you and your family, especially your husband.

  46. Melissa,
    Thanks for your honesty your words.
    We will pray that Daniel’s pain will be eased and your heart will have peace.

  47. Melissa,
    Thanks for your honesty your words.
    We will pray that Daniel’s pain will be eased and your heart will have peace.

  48. I’m so sorry for your awful night. my husband has had four back surgeries and suffers from continuing chronic pain. We have similar nights Know you are not alone.

  49. I’m so sorry for your awful night. my husband has had four back surgeries and suffers from continuing chronic pain. We have similar nights Know you are not alone.

  50. Melissa,
    My prayers are with you, Daniel, and the kids. May God give you the strength, endurance, patience, and peace you need . May He give Daniel a respite from pain and work the healing only His hands can give physically, emotionally, and spiritually. Please accept a “virtual” hug and God bless you for all you do for your family and for those of us who look to you for words of frugal wisdom!

  51. Melissa,
    My prayers are with you, Daniel, and the kids. May God give you the strength, endurance, patience, and peace you need . May He give Daniel a respite from pain and work the healing only His hands can give physically, emotionally, and spiritually. Please accept a “virtual” hug and God bless you for all you do for your family and for those of us who look to you for words of frugal wisdom!

  52. Keep your head up and stay strong girlfriend. Sending good vibes your husbands way. Thanks for the reminder, sometimes you don’t realize how much we mean to each other and that’s really all that matters in this world.

  53. Keep your head up and stay strong girlfriend. Sending good vibes your husbands way. Thanks for the reminder, sometimes you don’t realize how much we mean to each other and that’s really all that matters in this world.

  54. I have no words to describe how sorry I am that your family has to go through this. My heart goes out to you.
    I had sent my dad scripture while he was on a motorcycle ride, (he and some of the guys from church set out on a 25 day trip around the United States, stopping at all four corners and the steps of the US Capitol to cover our nation in prayer. It was very emotional and tiring for them. I’ve never been so proud in my whole life. The trip is blogged on 4corners4prayer.com) I thought perhaps the same scripture that got them through the trip, may also give you much needed strength.

    It is God who arms me with strength and makes my way perfect.
    He makes my feet like the feet of a deer; he enables me to stand on the heights.
    He trains my hands for battle; my arms can bend a bow of bronze.
    You give me Your shield of victory; You stoop down to make me great.
    You broaden the path beneath me, so that my ankles do not turn.
    I pursued my enemies and crushed them; I did not turn back till they were destroyed. 2Samuel22:33

    Don’t give up the fight.
    God Bless you and your family.

  55. I have no words to describe how sorry I am that your family has to go through this. My heart goes out to you.
    I had sent my dad scripture while he was on a motorcycle ride, (he and some of the guys from church set out on a 25 day trip around the United States, stopping at all four corners and the steps of the US Capitol to cover our nation in prayer. It was very emotional and tiring for them. I’ve never been so proud in my whole life. The trip is blogged on 4corners4prayer.com) I thought perhaps the same scripture that got them through the trip, may also give you much needed strength.

    It is God who arms me with strength and makes my way perfect.
    He makes my feet like the feet of a deer; he enables me to stand on the heights.
    He trains my hands for battle; my arms can bend a bow of bronze.
    You give me Your shield of victory; You stoop down to make me great.
    You broaden the path beneath me, so that my ankles do not turn.
    I pursued my enemies and crushed them; I did not turn back till they were destroyed. 2Samuel22:33

    Don’t give up the fight.
    God Bless you and your family.

  56. I am new here and tonight is the first time I am learning of your struggles. I hope you have a better day tomorrow and I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers. Take care and thank you for sharing with us.

  57. I am new here and tonight is the first time I am learning of your struggles. I hope you have a better day tomorrow and I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers. Take care and thank you for sharing with us.

  58. Melissa,
    I am sorry you had a tough night. I am one who can understand your feelings. My husband is not sick but, my oldest daughter has Focal Parietal Complex Seizure Disorder. We have many nights up watching grand mall seizures. I feel like you and I both have a lot in common. I too, have a hobby of clipping coupons and turned it into a business. I too, have a serious life altering illness or disability in my family. And, My name is Melissa too! Fun! I love following your .com and thank you for the things you have done to help me in my journey. I feel at though you have a ton of support and I would love to be part of it.

    Melissa
    Savings Queen

  59. God knows how much you can bare. That is why he is allowing your family through go through these trying times. I consider any situation a test from GOD. He thinks so well of me that he would give me a test to take me to a higher level. I am always reminded of JOB. GOD had a conversation with the Devil and GOD said have you considered my servant JOB. Be a JOB in this situation, yet will I TRUST HIM! Praying for your family.

  60. God knows how much you can bare. That is why he is allowing your family through go through these trying times. I consider any situation a test from GOD. He thinks so well of me that he would give me a test to take me to a higher level. I am always reminded of JOB. GOD had a conversation with the Devil and GOD said have you considered my servant JOB. Be a JOB in this situation, yet will I TRUST HIM! Praying for your family.

  61. Melissa,
    I am sorry you had a tough night. I am one who can understand your feelings. My husband is not sick but, my oldest daughter has Focal Parietal Complex Seizure Disorder. We have many nights up watching grand mall seizures. I feel like you and I both have a lot in common. I too, have a hobby of clipping coupons and turned it into a business. I too, have a serious life altering illness or disability in my family. And, My name is Melissa too! Fun! I love following your .com and thank you for the things you have done to help me in my journey. I feel at though you have a ton of support and I would love to be part of it.

    Melissa
    Savings Queen

  62. I’m so sorry to learn of your husband’s pain. And thanks for the reminder—the kids have been driving me batty lately and I need to remember to be grateful that I have them and that they’re healthy. I will keep you in my prayers.

  63. I’m so sorry to learn of your husband’s pain. And thanks for the reminder—the kids have been driving me batty lately and I need to remember to be grateful that I have them and that they’re healthy. I will keep you in my prayers.

  64. You guys are truly amazing! I am sitting here at a Blogging Conferance reading every single one of your comments , crying.

    This is exactly why I blog. To engage with real moms, real women, going through similar situations coming together to be there for each other. What a wonderful online community we have here.

    Daniel is doing much better this week, it seems that when the weather gets bad, cold, rainy snowy etc. that is when he gets worth. It’s always an up and down.

    For those of you going through similar situation , I pray that God will give you the strength to get through each day. The peace that everything happens for a reason. Even though God may be out of sight , Love is waiting in the wings!

  65. You guys are truly amazing! I am sitting here at a Blogging Conferance reading every single one of your comments , crying.

    This is exactly why I blog. To engage with real moms, real women, going through similar situations coming together to be there for each other. What a wonderful online community we have here.

    Daniel is doing much better this week, it seems that when the weather gets bad, cold, rainy snowy etc. that is when he gets worth. It’s always an up and down.

    For those of you going through similar situation , I pray that God will give you the strength to get through each day. The peace that everything happens for a reason. Even though God may be out of sight , Love is waiting in the wings!

  66. We are praying for you and your family. God knows your needs and your heart along with the number of hairs on your head. He will make a way when there seems to be no way! He is sovereign and will continue to meet your needs! 2 Corinthians 4:16 So we do not lose heart. Though our outer self is wasting away, our inner self is being renewed day by day. 17 For this light momentary affliction is preparing for us an eternal weight of glory beyond all comparison, 18 as we look not to the things that are seen but to the things that are unseen. For the things that are seen are transient, but the things that are unseen are eternal.

  67. We are praying for you and your family. God knows your needs and your heart along with the number of hairs on your head. He will make a way when there seems to be no way! He is sovereign and will continue to meet your needs! 2 Corinthians 4:16 So we do not lose heart. Though our outer self is wasting away, our inner self is being renewed day by day. 17 For this light momentary affliction is preparing for us an eternal weight of glory beyond all comparison, 18 as we look not to the things that are seen but to the things that are unseen. For the things that are seen are transient, but the things that are unseen are eternal.

  68. Email me at one6ylady(at)aol(dot)com right now and send me you phone number and I’ll call and we can chat. Or let me know you want my number and I’ll give it to you so you can call me. I’m here for you to just vent with if you need me.

    Donna

  69. Email me at one6ylady(at)aol(dot)com right now and send me you phone number and I’ll call and we can chat. Or let me know you want my number and I’ll give it to you so you can call me. I’m here for you to just vent with if you need me.

    Donna

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